Thursday, January 29, 2009

This entry is about lasagne

As a travelling geek, there will be times when one has to bite the bullet and actually cook something instead of living off Easter eggs and peanut butter sandwiches. This blog post will teach you everything you need to know about making an amazing and delicious lasagne using everyday objects that you can find at the local greengrocer. Yes, dear reader, you are about to become a culinary artist, and the kitchen shall be your canvas!

Two fridges. One embodies the power of Good. The other holds broccoli.

You will need:

- some mince meat stuff (replace with plant stuff if you're a vegetarian)
- a block of cheese (preferably delicious)
- a bunch of pasta
- cheese sauce (though it'll look like powder at first, so don't be fooled)
- milk, I think

Directions:

- prepare by nagging your associates two hour in advance to start making supper because you're bloody hungry and don't know where any of the kitchen hardware is.
- receive block of cheese. Wait for fellow cooking person's instructions, then begin to grate cheese.
- after about 30 seconds, realise that you don't have a cheese grater. Request grater. Discover that there isn't one. Slice cheese with knife instead.
- eat two pieces of cheese because you're hungry and you like cheese. DON'T TELL ANYONE.
- receive pot of lumpy slop. Figure out that it's cheese sauce. Begin stirring to get lumps out (WARNING: do not attempt to eat the lumps, steal more sliced cheese if you're hungry).
- as an added bonus, tilt the bowl slightly and use a fancy whisking manoeuvre that you learned a year ago. This looks far more professional and your colleagues will respect you for it.
- keep stirring until fellow cooking person tells you to stop. Continue stirring anyway because you take pride in your work.
- get distracted and watch a friend playing Worms on Xbox Live.
- feel inspired to play Gears of War 2 for an hour.
- return to kitchen, open oven, and the lasagne will miraculously be ready.
- congratulations! Slice into portions and enjoy!

Om nom nom nom.

Credit goes to Danny “dislekcia” Day, who actually does know how to make lasagne for real and whose hands have graciously posed for the picture above.

2 comments:

  1. The cheese must be delicious, eh?

    What about moist?

    I believe this is a pertinent question.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Look at the strength with which Danny presses down on that Dumathoin Lasagne Cleaver (+1 against all goat based products). All those years of double clicking have really paid off!

    ReplyDelete