After a long buildup spanning several movies, all of our favourite Marvel heroes finally teamed up to star in The Avengers. I know a lot of film reviewers and they seem to have fun with their jobs, so I am going to try review this film too. Heavy spoilers follow, take care.
The action wastes no time in commencing as we're treated to the opening scene of New York being flattened by a nuclear explosion. Thousands of refugees flee to Stark Island, protected from the radiation and fallout by the island's arc reactor shields.
Iron Man, Captain America and Scarlett Johansson meet in Stark's office to discuss the source of the explosion when Thor teleports in. He explains that Loki was responsible, using a special nuclear bomb powered by a magical substance known as "iridium". A fight breaks out between Thor and Captain America and several acres of Stark Island are destroyed. The two eventually reconcile and learn what it means to be a team.
Meanwhile, Loki approaches Nick Fury with an offer of ultimate power, promising that he can be his right hand man once he's subjugated the whole of America. Fury wrestles with his doubts before finally turning Loki down, and Loki punishes him by locking him in a jail cell. The Hulk hears of this plan, however, and breaks Fury out while Loki isn't looking. Valuable information on Loki's plans are brought to SHIELD.
A fight breaks out between Scarlett Johansson and Iron Man. Fury stops the fight by reminding them why they are there, "to avenge the Earth, not themselves". The feuding heroes put down their weapons, reconcile and learn what it means to be a team. Fury delivers an emotional speech about how he lost his eye, galvanising the squad.
New York suffers another nuclear strike from Loki, and The Avengers realise that they urgently need to stop him before it is too late. The Hulk suspects that Loki deliberately fed the wrong plans to Nick Fury and that the whole thing is an elaborate trap, but nobody believes him so he leaves before he gets too angry. Hawkeye tries to stop him, but he just looks at him and says, "Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry," so Hawkeye lets him go.
Captain America and Thor look on in horror as New York gets nuked.
A fight breaks out between Iron Man and Captain America. Loki's frost giants attack the ruins of New York, and Fury sends a nuclear missile to stop them. Iron Man tries to stop Fury, causing a fight to break out between Iron Man, Fury and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson stops fighting and tearfully announces that she's pregnant. A fight breaks out between Hawkeye and Captain America. They eventually reconcile and learn what it means to be a team.
New York is in chaos. Iron Man sends a nuclear missile to destroy the frost giant invasion while Loki watches from the edge of the city, surrounded by hundreds of human slaves who now know him as "King of America". He laughs and tells his advisors of his real plans, but unknown to him a fight breaks out between him and the Hulk. After beating Loki, the Hulk tries to go to warn the others but while his back is turned Loki freezes him in a time field.
Thor has a theory that he can make missiles with his own substance, "thorium", to combat Loki's. A fight breaks out between Thor and Iron Man. New York is in chaos. They reconcile and learn what it means to be a team. A fight breaks out between Captain and America. Nick Fury puts a stop to it by announcing that Scarlett Johansson wasn't pregnant after all, and that they are there "to avenge the Earth, not themselves".
A fight breaks out between Hawkeye and New York. They explode and learn what it means to be a team.
The frost giants reconcile with Iron Man and share the secrets of thorium. Thor imbues his hammer with its power. Everybody asks "where is the Hulk?" but nobody knows where he is and they are interrupted by a sudden explosion. They are on a team.
The remaining Avengers stand in a circle and shoot Loki's army. Hawkeye shoots using arrows. Iron Man says, "Winter is coming" and also shoots. Scarlett Johansson confesses to Thor that she isn't pregnant. Thor smiles and whispers "I know" and kisses her. Loki enters the field of battle and tries to talk them into surrendering. They refuse, saying they are there "to avenge the Earth, not themselves". Fury is proud of them. Captain America gives a battlecry and they all charge into battle, defeating Loki's army and advisors.
Scarlett Johansson learns what it means to be a team.
Just when it looks like they've won, Loki pulls out a gun and shoots Captain America. Instead, the Hulk appears at the last minute and takes the bullet for Captain America. As the Hulk lies dying, Captain America goes to him and the Hulk changes back to Bruce Banner for the first time. He smiles and says "Thank you my friend." Then the Hulk dies. Captain America kisses his dead forehead and weeps.
A fight breaks out between Hawkeye and Iron Man. They reconcile and learn what it means to explosion.
Scarlett Johansson appeals to Loki's good side and reminds him of the power of love. Loki is overcome by grief and remorse and drops his gun and goes to hug his brother, Thor. Reconciled at last, Thor and Loki return to Asgard with the blessing of the other heroes, except for Captain America who is still bitter about the Hulk's death.
In the final scene of the movie, the remaining Avengers are seen waving off the Asgardian brothers while New York explodes softly in the background.
Credits roll, and those who are patient enough for the post-credit sequence get to see Captain America donning a new black uniform. The star on his shield is also black. He looks at the camera and says, "I am Evil Captain America now." Scene fades.
A fight breaks out between Thor and Iron Man.
I give the film a 4 out of 5. Good fight scenes, great acting, though there could have been more explosions. Nice job, Marvel.